One of the most difficult things for a natural giver to do is let go. Sometimes, we just don't know when or how to release. We try our best to help others, even in the face of pushback. Excuses, pride, arrogance, the victim mentality, pushback, these are all signs that it is time to let them go. One of the biggest lessons I have learned during this season of rest and recovery from burnout is that sometimes the people we strive so hard to reach down to help don't want to be helped. And if we want to recover from burnout, it's time to stop chasing behind what doesn't want to be chased. 

Each of us has a capacity level, and at times it can become overwhelming to try to fill the shoes of another. When we are not operating in authenticity, doesn't it feel heavy? Pretending to be somebody else, I mean, that is a burden all by itself! It is the same way we can not try to work in a lane that we have not been authorized to work in. So imagine you have reached a higher level on the ladder, and while you are trying to climb up, you keep experiencing a resistance. As you look down, you see this rope tied to you, and on the other end is this beautiful soul just sitting on the floor watching you, as if they think you are the crazy one for trying to climb up the ladder. 

That resistance is not worth your time or energy because it will definitely drain you. As much as we love people, even if it's a hard truth, SOMETIMES WE JUST GOTTA LET GO. Understand that letting go of the resistant type is actually healthier for you and for them. It takes the heavy stress of trying to fix them off of your shoulders (preserving your assignment), and it removes the pressure of constant performance from their shoulders. When you step away, you create a space for God's correction and their own choice to humble themselves. Your letting go is an act of faith, trusting God with their journey.

 Whenever you begin to climb the ladder in terms of growth in any area of your life, you are being elevated. There is an expansion within you happening, where on the next level, what you are about to receive is more:  More spiritual insight, more wisdom, more spiritual abilities, more knowledge, more faith to step out and execute, a greater audience, an increase of finances, just an all-around increase. In this increase your contacts may change, your circle may change, and your network will improve. This is a normal when one starts to level up. When you have people in your circle who still have your old way of negative thinking, or reflect the younger, less-wise version of yourself, if they don't decide to take your advice and grow, they can easily weigh on you mentally, emotionally, sometimes physically, and especially spiritually. When you don't cut the rope of access, eventually that kind of negative energy and presence can pull you down. Been there, done that, that is why I said it. 

 Letting go does not incite carelessness, nor does it mean you are full of hatred. It is imperative to know when to recognize and let go. You cannot continue to carry this weight; carrying one who does not want to be carried, because you are not God. I recall several instances where I wished I knew this same advice that I am sharing with you, back then. Wishing I didn’t drag out certain relationships in order to preserve my sanity and peace to avoid burnout. We must guard our hearts. By the Grace of God, He helped me push through those tough seasons of heavy burdens, as I laid them down, and taught me the same very valuable lessons and tips that I am now passing along to you. 

As a Minister, I understand firsthand how it feels to carry around dead weight. It is extremely exhausting, and if you do not stop, you could face the threat of total burnout. What I call total burnout is the inability to function–period. In my story of burnout, I shared my experience of doing everything, trying to be something for everyone, and how that led me to total burnout. I could not function clearly, I could not focus on my ministry assignment, my mind went completely spaced, my brain shut down to where I could not even hear any thoughts whatsoever. And day after day, I sat on that couch binge-watching Netflix shows and drinking wine with all the unhealthy snacks I could find. I didn't know what to do with myself, but I thank God for Jesus and His restorative power that caused me to snap out of it and bounce back. I never want anyone else to reach such a place.

So many of us struggle to let go, because what God asks us to do often looks like foolishness to the world. Letting go of a strained relationship, stepping away from a visible ministry, or choosing radical rest when the world demands hustle—these are all acts of obedience that others might say "God didn't or would not tell you to do that!" However, your preservation is never reliant on human approval. The Bible reminds us of those who obeyed the unseen command: Hebrews 11:7 says, "By faith, Noah, being warned by God concerning events as yet unseen, in reverent fear constructed an ark for the saving of his household. By this, he condemned the world and became an heir of the righteousness that comes by faith." 

Noah was building a boat on dry land based on a word he heard. Others saw no flood coming. Likewise, you must obey the word God gave you concerning the unseen depletion in your spirit. Letting go of what is draining you is your ark. It is a righteous act of self-preservation that saves your assignment.

 So, I want to jump right in to talk about the 5 signs to look for to know when it is time to let go.

1. 1. Excuses: When you pour into a vessel, they either receive or reject. If you find yourself having to repeat the same advice, lesson, or boundary over and over again—and seeing zero change—that is a massive red flag. Perhaps you have truly poured all that you can pour, and they are simply unwilling to hold it. Their consistent pattern of excuses is a clear signal that your counsel is not truly desired, and they may be comfortable staying right where they are.

3. Remember: Their rejection of wise counsel is never a you problem; it is solely a them problem. At this point, there is nothing else you can do to force growth. Instead of dwelling on the person you're releasing, the Bible tells us where to focus our energy: Philippians 3:13-14 says, "forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal..."

2. 2. Push Back: This is a person's active, defensive, or dismissive resistance you encounter when you try to help them. The Word confirms this wisdom: Proverbs 20:3 teaches us, "It is an honor for a man to cease from strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel." This is a clear sign that your counsel is not welcome, and although you care for others, you must also pay attention to this sign to protect your heart in the matter. Don't mistake a lack of desire to change for a lack of understanding. 

3. 3. Pride: One of the biggest masks out there to me is pride. It goes undetected only to those who do not have eyes to see it. I was so prideful that I could not see it myself; it took God to reveal it to me. Pride is so prideful that even it doesn’t know it’s prideful. If one does not choose to humble themselves and recognize that God is the savior, not self, they will hear you, but they won’t HEAR YOU! That is an absolute sign to let it go; do not drain your energy over such a thing. Paul warned us about those who refuse the power of change, even while claiming faith: 2 Timothy 3:5 instructs us to "Avoid such people."

4. 4. Arrogance: Arrogance is in close proximity to pride; one can be so arrogant that they don’t see their need for growth or change. It can be their biggest downfall if they do not change their behavior, and like pride, arrogance must be revealed for one to see it. If I think that I am better than you, then how could you help me with anything? I would not be open to receiving from you because I feel superior. This! No one is superior to the other, and with this kind of attitude, that DO NOT ENTER sign is up, and we must learn to turn around and walk away. L.I.G (Let it go)! When you encounter this kind of rejection, you are simply following Christ’s example. He instructed: "And if anyone will not receive you or listen to your words, shake off the dust from your feet when you leave that house or town." (Matthew 10:14).

5. 5. Seen as the Victim: Until I stopped feeling like I was still that little girl stuck in the cage, I was not able to truly walk into my God-given assignment. This one is a little but more sensitive and must be dealt with extra care. In my eyes, there are two kinds of victims: the kind that wants help, and the kind that doesn't want help because they are entitled. I recall a time when I tried to encourage an individual, and they told me, No, you don't understand as they continued in their ranting. I tried to constantly show them that our stories were very similar, I tried to prove that God had equipped me to serve them and help them break free. After time, having to repeat the same kind of advice, being met with the same attitude and rebuttals, I realized this: MY HELP WAS NOT WANTED. That DO NOT ENTER sign was clearly up. My counsel was rejected over and over again.

7. If attitudes had a mouth in that moment, and if eyes could talk, they would have probably said: “How dare you speak on that to me? Who do you think you are? They hurt me, and so, no one is going to tell me how to feel about it.” When someone is a victim, we sympathize and help where we can, but when the victim also becomes the suspect and oppressor, we must be careful. When someone feels entitled to be a victim, step back because this is almost like a badge of honor to them. They are battling with forgiveness, pride, and more, and until they recognize that and surrender it to God as their vengeance, the wall will stay up, and every intruder, even if they came to help, will be attacked. This is why we let go—it's for your Preservation. The Bible tells you: "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." (Proverbs 4:23).

When I speak on this subject matter, it is not from a place of assumption, but from my actual lived experience. My desire is for every individual to find true rest and healing as I am finding it. Although we have to walk away from people and things at times, we are also human. So I understand as the giver, how you feel to even think about having to let go, but trust me, it is more freeing and renewing at the same time. You will feel like such a weight has been lifted off of you. And, guess what? You don’t have to do it alone because I am joining you in this, and God is with us all.

I feel so much lighter and experience less spiritual warfare. I challenge you to let go! But if you are not certain, I also invite you to examine your relationships and the people in your life. What burdens are you carrying? Did God give it to you? Are you playing the role of the savior in their lives? These are some questions to ask yourself when you begin your examinations. Stop reaching down to things or people who do not care to go any further. You can only pray for that day to come, so reach up instead! Reach for “whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” (Philippians 4:8).

Reach for higher heights, deeper depths. I have to ask myself often, “Do I care about pleasing others more than I do about obedience to God?” That’s a hard NO! So that means I can't afford to people please because my duty to God is far more important and valuable beyond what anyone will understand. I have had to do things in acts of obedience that others would say God did not tell me to do, but through my willingness, I have learned that obedience is not always popular, and many times, people will not agree. But that's ok because again, do we live to please others, or God?

Next Step in Your Journey of Preservation

If this message of release and self-preservation resonated with your spirit and you are longing for more nourishment and encouragement, I want to invite you to take the next step toward your wholeness:

1. 1. Read My Book: My Book, Dear Diary: I couldn't keep it all in anymore: This is a raw and soul-deep journey through the hidden pages of my healing. These unfiltered journal entries were written in real-time during a season of rest, grief, awakening, and surrender. Inside, you will find the daily thoughts, God whispers, hard lessons, scriptures, and affirmations that helped me breathe again. You are not lost, you are becoming. Be the first to know when it drops! Sign up for early access. 

2. 2. Go Deeper with Community (Monthly Support): Ready to journey alongside me with exclusive content and a deeper connection? Join the $15 Monthly Support Tier! This tier unlocks exclusive posts, messages, and a direct line to our community.

4. 3. Find More Products: Head over to [All Products] to see all the Products (like t-shirts, mugs, & more) designed to help you set and keep these healthy, God-honoring boundaries.

-Her Victorious

Life Iz A Journey. Relax. Take Time. Enjoy.