Hey Butterflies🦋,

I’ve got a juicy truth bomb for you today.

If you are from America, you’ve probably heard the saying: "If he cheats (or she cheats), then you must not be doing something right." This is a toxic piece of folklore that dangerously shifts the blame onto the victim. And if you are a Christian, this toxic belief often triggers an unhealthy response: You start to go into high-performance warfare—praying, rebuking, and speaking in tongues with depleted strength, exhausting yourself further into burnout than you already are. I come to bust up these myths today for your preservation, wholeness, and peace of mind.

Myth #1: You Have to Fight the Battle

I used to think that the unsettling dreams and spiritual alarms meant God wanted me to physically fix the situation—to pray harder, fight against the warfare, or use my strength to keep the ship afloat. But I was wrong. That mentality—the idea that you have to fix, force, or fight everything—is exactly what led to my deepest burnout.

Truth: The battle belongs to the Lord, and your obedience is found in your rest. You do not have to fight a battle that is too heavy for you when you are already running on empty.

The Word of God on Releasing the Fight:

• 2 Chronicles 20:15 (The Battle is Not Yours): "Thus says the Lord to you: 'Do not be afraid nor dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours, but God’s."

• Exodus 14:14 (God Fights for You): "The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace."

Myth #2: Cheating is Your Fault (The Toxic Performance Lie)

Let's address the most manipulative lie of all: the Toxic Performance Myth.

The belief that if someone cheats, it’s because you weren't giving enough is a lie designed to enforce performance and keep you constantly striving. I learned that kind of performance is utterly draining, and we won't do it. If someone cheats, it is a failure of their integrity and character, not a failure of your worth or your giving. You should not carry the weight of that blame. It is wrong and manipulative.

Truth: You are refusing to carry that weight of blame, and that is a massive victory for your preservation! It means you are guarding your heart.

My Journey from Fixing to Resting

I remember going through legal separation, and during that time, I was desperate to fix everything. I was willing to forgive even after the affair, but I couldn't stop trying to fix it. I prayed, rebuked, spoke in tongues, got angry, and even posted nasty public Facebook messages. I did it all. That desperate drive was a physical manifestation of my spiritual burnout. I was speeding from Kentucky to Pennsylvania in my beat-up Point-A-to-Point-B car.

I knew the car had a medium gas leak, but I took the chance anyway, praying every mile that the car and my strength wouldn't give out. Every vibration of the engine was the sound of my anxiety and desperation. I was relying on myself. I had told God, "You fix this," but my actions screamed, "I don't trust you, so I'll do it myself." I finally reached him, only for my desperation to be met with his clear finality: "Things are too far gone, and I can't continue." Even in that moment, the Lord provided, as he helped me fill the gas, made sure I was okay, and sent me on my way. Driving back, the sheer exhaustion—both physical and spiritual—hit me.

I was so tired I started falling asleep at the wheel, jolting awake as the tires rolled over the emergency rumble strips. I pulled over to sleep, and in that quiet, broken moment, the truth hit me: "What am I doing, God? I say I trust you, but then I take over." That final, futile act of performance finally broke me down to the point where I couldn't fight anymore. I was empty, and all that was left was a loving invitation from the only One who could actually carry the burden. He simply wanted me to come to Him: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28)

III. 3 Steps to Engaging Sacred Rest: My Real-Life Journey

If you are reading this and feeling depleted, here are the three intentional acts of obedience and surrender that led me from total burnout to profound peace:

1. 1. The Release and the Flow: I stopped fighting, moved to my mom's house, and I prayed, "God, if the outcome is not going to change the way I want it, then I need You to give me peace." In that moment, a physical, cool sensation flowed through my veins, like saline water in the ER for dehydration. It was the release I needed. He wrapped His Spirit around me, rocking me side to side as I wept, whispering that He is near to the brokenhearted.

3. 2. The Refocus and the Encounter: I intentionally stopped focusing on the situation and the people involved. I spent hours and days in the presence of God, worshiping with peaceful instrumentals and immersing myself in my Word. Profound encounters took place, serving as a continuous reminder that God was near and that my attention was meant for Him.

5. 3. The Rise and the Community: I found God-ordained community by joining a church. From there, God didn't just heal me; He began to elevate me, using me in the prophetic, healing, and deliverance. Although the situation didn't work out like I thought it would, I received something far better: peace and God's Spirit.

Lay down the burden, precious one. Step fully into your "I'm not lost, I'm becoming" destiny.

-Her Victorious

Do you need to lay down your burden and find your Sacred Rest, but would love to receive guidance? My book, "Dear Diary: I couldn't keep it all in anymore, Raw journal entries from the season of rest that saved me," walks you through the exact process of letting go of the fight and finding wholeness. Find your copy and start your healing journey today.

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